Saturday, April 12, 2014

From July, 2010- A Whole New World

Wicked grin, almond eyes, hair of the devil

To call myself complex would be quite narcissistic. To say I'm simple would be an outright lie. I am blood and flesh and bone weaved into a mess of emotions and complications. I sometimes feel like I would live a happier life as sunlight dancing on the surface of water that gently caresses a sandy shoreline. But I am here as I am, and there's no turning back.

Once upon a time, I thought the world hated me...doesn't everyone at some point? It cruelly mocked me as it threw earth in my face, pointing and laughing. It could have all ended at that point. God, how I wanted it to. But it didn't, and I continued trekking on, trying to tip toe past danger and heartache.

Being as clumsy as I am, however, no matter what I did, I stumbled right back into it- over and over. It wasn't long before my dreamer's heart sought out love stumbling on a young boy with sapphire eyes. Only now do I truly see the cold and dead that lied within them. He tied puppet strings around my limbs and played with me until my strings broke, and then he tossed me aside, worthless.

It could have all ended at that point. God, how I wanted it to. But it didn't, and I continued trekking on.

I found myself in a meadow filled with my emotions...I sulked there for what seemed like eternities. I felt like I was whithering away, turning into the ash on that boy's cigarette ready to be flicked away forever.

But suddenly a light came flickering into my meadow, making it seem beautiful. I was surrounded by it not knowing what to do. I picked myself off the ground slowly, trying to make the earth seem steady beneath me. Taking a deep breath, I realized I was truly alive.

So I trekked on, doing my best to tip toe past anything dangerous.

On my journey, a person stepped into my life, shaking my world so much so that I thought I might crumble to my knees. His light brightened everything making me see myself in new ways and making me feel things I had never felt. True-heart swelling- love. The kind that makes you want to cry, and run through the rain in cheesy romance novel ways. The kind that makes your knees buckle when you hear their voice, that gives you cold chills when your lips touch.

I had found what I had always been looking for. Everything in one package. How very convenient. I learned the lesson of love the first time I felt his hand on mine. My voice still quivers if I say it aloud.

Beauty has so many definitions.
To me beauty is my hand in his, and the exchange of a soft kiss.

I'd say I will love him forever but...
Forever just isn't long enough.

...I just wonder if he'll ever know how many ways he has saved me...

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