From September, 2010- My Last 'Old Blog' Post

Morpheus is the Greek God of Dreams

What a melancholy night it is, as I sit here in the silence that the dark offers to me. I wish you were here beside me, love, so that the chill in the air wouldn't have a chance to nip at my arms, and so the quiet could be broken by your sweet whispers. I wonder what you're dreaming of, warm in your bed. Do I cross your mind as Morpheus creates fantastical worlds for you? I wonder if you wish I were there with you as much as I long to be in your arms, listening to your quiet breathing. It is a true heaven for me to be close to you no matter the situation.

I've been daydreaming quite often lately, about our future together. I feel like it is I who is in a fantasy world when I think of the many wondrous possibilities. How this could be reality is beyond me. But it is and that is throwing me into a whirlpool of confusion and happiness.

This is my life? Since when? When will I wake up? Never, I hope...

Ashley D. Nichols
The Nocturnal Bablatrice

A Star Fall Could Say it All - July 2010

I cannot believe how incredibly lucky I am to have you in my life. I guess wishing on a star really works if you are persistent. That twinkling light could have burned my eyes the way I stared into it wishing for you to hold me tight. In the end, I wouldn't have cared if it did. Once I saw you, I never saw anything as beautiful anyway...my only regret would have been not being able to stare into your warm eyes, like a sunset on the horizon.

It's crazy, the way I love you, my dream come true. I never thought it would be possible to feel so stable and unstable, so weightless and yet so strong. But that's love, I guess. And I've found it in you, and your kisses, your smile, your laugh. Now I know all those things the great writers have spoken of, those wonderful fantastical thing, are not rubbish, but alive in the way you always know just how to hold me and just the right thing to say.

I want to keep you forever. I only want to be by your side forever, and try my best to make you as happy as you make me.

Ashley D. Nichols
The Nocturnal Bablatrice

Also From July, 2010

Saltwater and Scrambled Thoughts You Should Know...

A shining mirror on the wall, I take a moment to look hard at my reflection.
I can't help the fact that the imperfections are all I can see.
But it's getting better.
Every moment I spend with you restores a bit of faith I had in myself.

I love how you tell me that you love me more, because
Even though it's an outright lie
It shows me that maybe all of this isn't going to come down
crashing around me like saltwater waves
as I gasp for air, my lungs burning, and wonder whether the condensation
resting on my cheeks is the ocean or my tears.

I feel restless when I'm not with you.
I'll be honest.
It's like my heartbeat slows down until I see you.
As if it doesn't want to waste it's energy on anything but you.

My hands feel empty when I don't feel your palm pressed against mine.
When you said be mine forever, I think I died.
That's the only way I could be in this kind of heaven with you.
It's unreal.
The dimples in my cheeks so rarely seen before have been permanently carved
into my cheeks (that burn when you touch them).

I want you to know you're beautiful.
I want to show you you're beautiful.

I want to tell you I love you til my breath is all gone.
I want to tell you I love you til my breathing stops.

From July, 2010- A Whole New World

Wicked grin, almond eyes, hair of the devil

To call myself complex would be quite narcissistic. To say I'm simple would be an outright lie. I am blood and flesh and bone weaved into a mess of emotions and complications. I sometimes feel like I would live a happier life as sunlight dancing on the surface of water that gently caresses a sandy shoreline. But I am here as I am, and there's no turning back.

Once upon a time, I thought the world hated me...doesn't everyone at some point? It cruelly mocked me as it threw earth in my face, pointing and laughing. It could have all ended at that point. God, how I wanted it to. But it didn't, and I continued trekking on, trying to tip toe past danger and heartache.

Being as clumsy as I am, however, no matter what I did, I stumbled right back into it- over and over. It wasn't long before my dreamer's heart sought out love stumbling on a young boy with sapphire eyes. Only now do I truly see the cold and dead that lied within them. He tied puppet strings around my limbs and played with me until my strings broke, and then he tossed me aside, worthless.

It could have all ended at that point. God, how I wanted it to. But it didn't, and I continued trekking on.

I found myself in a meadow filled with my emotions...I sulked there for what seemed like eternities. I felt like I was whithering away, turning into the ash on that boy's cigarette ready to be flicked away forever.

But suddenly a light came flickering into my meadow, making it seem beautiful. I was surrounded by it not knowing what to do. I picked myself off the ground slowly, trying to make the earth seem steady beneath me. Taking a deep breath, I realized I was truly alive.

So I trekked on, doing my best to tip toe past anything dangerous.

On my journey, a person stepped into my life, shaking my world so much so that I thought I might crumble to my knees. His light brightened everything making me see myself in new ways and making me feel things I had never felt. True-heart swelling- love. The kind that makes you want to cry, and run through the rain in cheesy romance novel ways. The kind that makes your knees buckle when you hear their voice, that gives you cold chills when your lips touch.

I had found what I had always been looking for. Everything in one package. How very convenient. I learned the lesson of love the first time I felt his hand on mine. My voice still quivers if I say it aloud.

Beauty has so many definitions.
To me beauty is my hand in his, and the exchange of a soft kiss.

I'd say I will love him forever but...
Forever just isn't long enough.

...I just wonder if he'll ever know how many ways he has saved me...